Thinking of You
by thisoldporcelaincoffeeshop
Summary: Kurt, after years of being separated from Blaine, returns to visit his grave after a rough encounter with his boyfriend, Paul. Warnings: mentions of suicide


**anonymous prompted: Kurt singing 'Thinking of You' to Blaine in some way. **

**Here's a link to the song.**

* * *

Kurt's with Paul-been with Paul for at least a year now. (Kurt hasn't been counting, his mind has been elsewhere), and he knows he should be happy. Hasn't seen Blaine in at least three years. Paul's sweet, sensitive, sophisticated-the Three Golden S's, yet, Kurt feels nothing. Sure, he's attractive and when they're exploring each other Kurt can't get help but get lost, he's only human. But with every kiss to his lips, Kurt can't help but feel the phantom touch of Blaine's cherry chapstick, (Blaine always insisted on cherry, after all, he must follow in the footsteps of Katy perry). Walking down the street with him hand in hand, all Kurt could ever imagine was doing this with Blaine. He should be happy, but he's not.  
Isabelle swoons over him. Kurt's new friend, Naomi babbles on and on about how hot he is. Rachel loves him, insists that Paul's "number one", and that she would totally tap that if he played for her team. But somehow, Kurt feels like he's settling for second best and he's tired of it.  
"Kurt, are you okay?" Paul says sweetly, cupping Kurt's chin and pecking him on the cheek. "You've been quiet this entire movie and I know how much you like to criticize their dull outfit choices. You haven't even gawked at Taylor Lautner once."  
"I-I'm fine. I just- I have to go. I'm sorry, Paul. I'll text you later, okay?" Kurt mumbles, avoiding eye contact with what felt like a stranger next to him.

"Come on, Kurt. Stay. It's our two month anniversary and I was hoping we could share some dessert." Paul winked, leaning over and kissing a line down Kurt's jaw.  
"I-Paul, I need to go." Kurt insisted, pushing away slightly.  
"You taste so good, Kurt." Paul groans, sucking on Kurt's neck.  
And Kurt just loses it then, reminds him too much of all the times Blaine has said that exact line against his neck. He shoves Paul, hard, and dashes out of the apartment, ignoring all the 'Kurt!"s.

As soon as Kurt slams the door of his apartment closed, he slides down to the floor. He curls in on himself, a sobbing wreck. He feels the dull pain in his neck of a hickey forming-realizes it's not Blaine's-probably never will be again, and he let's out a wail.  
Rachel will probably hear him soon, she'll come in and assume the worst. She'll offer crummy advice-all that tells him to not think about Blaine. That Blaine is immature, that he cheated, and Kurt doesn't deserve that pain. Deserves Paul, Mr. Perfect. Blaine wasn't coming back.  
To save himself of that hell, Kurt hauls himself up, managing to die down his sobs to a sniffle and pulls out his iPod. Drowning himself in music usually does the trick-it has ever since Blaine left his life for good.  
But what Kurt doesn't expect is to hear Katy Perry's old song 'Thinking of You' fill his ears. The artist reminds him so much of Blaine, their song Teenage Dream, Kurt's present that he gave Blaine last year for Christmas (a cardboard cutout of Katy Perry). But the song-the song itself, about settling for second best and wishing the love of your life back, breaks Kurt.  
And before he knows it, Kurt books a flight for Lima. He leaves at 4:00 am that morning.

Kurt hesitates at the gateway. It's cold, causing a shiver to run up his spine. His nose and the apple of his cheeks are tinged pink. He looks so young, so breakable. Looks like porcelain.  
He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes tight before opening them again. He steps into the graveyard, brushing past all the marble stones until he reaches the one he's looking for. It's a little marble memorial bench like they do for all the suicide students, beside it, a matching headstone. Inscribed on it reads, 'Blaine Anderson: 1993-2012, beloved son, student'. He lays the red and yellow rose atop it.  
"So…" Kurt begins, his breath shaky. "Imissyousomuch." He mumbles out. "And…I don't know what to say. So, I thought'd I'd do it in the most earnest way I know how. It's time for my Katy Perry showstopper." Kurt chuckles, hitching as the tears begin to fall.

Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one

I still got the seed

You said move on

Where do I go

I guess second best

Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer

In the middle of winter

Like a hard candy

With a surprise center

How do I get better

Once I've had the best

You said there's

Tons of fish in the water

So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips

I taste your mouth

He pulled me in

I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into…

You're the best

And yes I do regret

How I could let myself

Let you go

Now the lesson's learned

I touched it I was burned

Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Oh won't you walk through

And bust in the door

And take me away

Oh no more mistakes

Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay…

**"I love you so much, Blaine. I'm sorry it's too late."**


End file.
